Peace on Earth this Christmas?

Putting aside the twinkly lights and the tinsel, the presents and the food, Christmas is often the time of year that highlights our relationship problems. Statistics show that most families succumb to the pressure of this enforced jolliness and togetherness – it’s when the cracks can show in even the most happy households. One survey I read claimed that the average British family will have at least five arguments on Christmas Day – with the first row taking place at 10.13 am! There is certainly evidence that Christmas puts a strain on couples. Statistics show that January is the busiest month for divorce lawyers. For single mums, it’s a time when many find themselves feeling nostalgic for a past relationship or feeling bitter that they are alone at such a poignant time of year. Anger and sadness can come to the surface and spill over just when we’re trying to be the very spirit of Christmas cheer for our children, friends and extended families and try as we might, once the emotions have come up it’s tough to put them neatly back in the box and seal the lid again.

Whatever your thoughts, hopes and plans this Christmas, I’d like to help you to make it as stress-free as possible, as well as passing on a few treats just for you. I’ll be sending you a little something every day between now and Christmas. 

Today’s gift is an exercise to help you let go of your past relationship and all the unresolved feelings you still have about it. This is a letter you never have to send, yet it enables you to express exactly how you feel about your ex – even if you have mixed emotions. Just go through each question, giving your answer or finishing the sentence – either in your head or on a piece of paper. You’ll be surprised at how much better you feel afterwards!

END OF THE RELATIONSHIP EXERCISE

1. When your name comes up or I think of you I feel …
2. Something is important here; otherwise I would not be feeling this negative emotion. What is it that I want?
3. I am still angry with you for….
4. I am sad because I think you should have …..
5. I wish we could have…..
6. The things I didn’t like about our relationship were….
7. In future relationships, I want less….
8. I want to acknowledge me for…..
9. I enriched your life by…..
10. I need to forgive you for …..
11. I want to acknowledge you for …..
12. The biggest benefit of having a relationship with you was (if there was a benefit, what would it be?)……
13. The things I liked about our relationship were….
14. In future relationships, I want more….
15. Through knowing you I learned…..
16. This has given me…..
17. I am angry with myself for …..
18. Sometimes you reminded me of …..
19. And I reacted by…..
20. I am sad because I think I should have …..
21. I am sorry for…..
22. I need to forgive myself for sometimes…..
23. I want to acknowledge you for …..
24. I wish for you…..
25. I wish for myself…..

If you would like my help and advice over the Christmas period, do visit my website www.thesinglemumssurvivalguide.com, where you can find a free audio on Coping with Christmas or sign up for a free one to one session with me.