Love Is a Verb

4TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARYToday is my 5th Wedding Anniversary and I have naturally been musing on love and marriage. You could say I’m the marrying kind – after all, this is my third marriage! Dizzy Romantic? Hopeless Idealist? Well perhaps once upon a time but two divorces and a good deal of hardship and heartache must have knocked all that out of me, wouldn’t you think? It’s a testament to my husband, really, that I would even consider walking down the aisle again and risk having my heart broken again – but I did it gladly, with my eyes wide open, and I’d do it all over again.

I’ve learnt that love is a magical feeling – that feeling you get when you catch sight of him and your heart does a little flip or the warm inner glow that you have when you’re apart and you think of times you’ve spent together. It’s a smile, a kiss, a hug. It’s physical. It makes you feel unreasonably, contagiously happy.

But perhaps more importantly: love is a verb. It’s not static and it requires action in order to flourish and thrive. My husband shows me how much he loves me in the many things he does. It could be the fact that he always senses when I’m not happy or if I’m awake worrying. If I’m feeling weary and procrastinating over some chore he’ll offer to come and keep me company. When we do things together it’s always quicker and more fun. It could be his many thoughtful and generous words  and deeds – or the fact that he’s fiercely protective of me and always on my side, always ready to back me and support me in any project. It could be the many hours he’s devoted to my children – whether it’s helping with revision or homework or discussing their thoughts and plans, or spending time having fun with them. And yes, I know that he loves them too and it just comes naturally to him but it’s something I will never take for granted.

Love is a verb. I saw that throughout my years as a single mum and I see it now that I’m happily married.

RB and boys Eiffel Toweri’ll never forget it and I try to live that way – in my marriage and most definitely with my children.

“THE SINGLE MUM’S SURVIVAL GUIDE – How To Pick Up The Pieces and Build a Happy New Life” is available now in bookstores and on Amazon.

http://www.thesinglemumssurvivalguide.com

vivienne@thelifeyoudeserve.co.uk

Advertisements

It’s Launched!

Sue launch 1I’m not going to write much today – only to say that after what seemed like forever, my book is officially “out there”! My thanks go to Rob and Sara at Steyning Bookshop for co-hosting the event and to my wonderful friends, family and colleagues who came along to help celebrate this important landmark in my life. Thanks also for all the well wishes from others who were unable to come along in person – it was good to know that you were thinking of me and cheering me on! I’ll let the photos and video speak for themselves…

https://vimRB launch 2 eo.com/999728Sue Launch 267

 

 

 



sue launch 9        sue launch 5 RB launch 1book launch 1aSue launch 4 IMG_0426

 

 

 

 

 

http://www.thesinglemumssurvivalguide.com

vivienne@thelifeyoudeserve

From a Distance

Today is my 66th blog and I’m looking back, not just at my blogs but also at the book and the journey I’ve been on to get to this point, the eve of my official book launch and first book signing…

I’ve found that writing the book (and this blog) has been a little like possessing the power to travel backwards and forwards at will through time. At first, I was a little wary of the effect that trawling through all the sadness and heartache of my marriage break up and divorce and the challenges of single motherhood might be a bit of a downer – I’m a firm believer in adopting a positive mindset after all, so wouldn’t the whole process be so negative that it would drag me down?

The answer is that some passages still catch at my heartstrings and some memories will always be poignant but it’s like that song, “From a Distance”… Seeing those events and my past life from a distance and setting them out on the pages of my book has allowed me to stand back and review my past self with compassion, yes, but also with a certain detachment that only the perspective of time can bring. I can only hope that my readers will themselves achieve this feeling of peaceful detachment in due course. As someone once said: The past is history, the future’s a mystery and the present is a gift.

I hope you will come and celebrate with me tomorrow because I’m launching my book, “THE SINGLE MUM’S SURVIVAL GUIDE – How To Pick Up The Pieces and Build a Happy New Life” tomorrow, Friday 4th July, 7.30 – 9.00 pm at The Steyning Bookshop, 106 High Street, Steyning, West Sussex. If you’d like to come and meet me and get your signed copy, come and join me for a glass of wine and some nibbles and you’re welcome to bring a friend. Or contact me via my website, http://www.thesinglemumssurvivalguide.com

The Truth, The Whole Truth?

This evening I’ve been watching an analysis of a famous American double murder trial. As the prosecution lawyer and the defence lawyer made their final statements to the jury, both sounded so plausible. You might even have observed that each side (and their supporters) were totally and utterly convinced that they alone were in possession of the truth. It’s only in retrospect that we can see what really took place.

In the case of a relationship breakup, this often happens. As the split becomes more pronounced, so too does the difference in the two sides of the story. As with any case where two people are at odds, each becomes more entrenched in his or her position and believes that only they are telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Is it actually just that one person is lying, or is it more complicated than that?

As a coach I know that “the map is not the territory” – in other words, we all perceive reality through our own set of filters and preconceptions. “So how does this relate to me, as a single mum?” I hear you say. My point is this: Your truth is your truth and nobody can take that away from you. You have a right to tell your story. But don’t be surprised if your ex’s version is different and try not to spend too much of your precious energy arguing about who was right or wrong if that serves no purpose right now. Ask yourself this: what really matters today and from this day onwards? How can my child and I step forwards into the light and build our brand new life?

I’m launching my book, “THE SINGLE MUM’S SURVIVAL GUIDE – How To Pick Up The Pieces and Build a Happy New Life” this Friday 4th July, 7.30 – 9.00 pm at The Steyning Bookshop, 106 High Street, Steyning, West Sussex. If you’d like to come and meet me and get your signed copy, come and join me for a glass of wine and some nibbles and you’re welcome to bring a friend. Or contact me via my website, http://www.thesinglemumssurvivalguide.com

The Root of all Evil?

We often hear that money is the biggest bone of contention when couples argue. Usually there’s too little to go around, one person works for it and another spends it – or maybe one partner errs on the side of caution whilst the other believes that you can’t take it with you, so you might as well enjoy it!

It’s when couples separate that the “fun” really begins…who gets the house? What about the pension? Pension, what pension? How much maintenance is reasonable and what does it cover? Who pays for birthday presents? Holidays? School trips? It’s enough to drive a single mum to tears, the bottle or the psychiatrist’s couch (in no particular order!)

For the finance chapter of the book I asked my single mums for their strategies, as well as getting excellent suggestions from Money Coach Wilma Allan, The Money Midwife. This period of your life could be the absolute making of you – a chance to learn powerful new ways of managing your money (and your money mindset) both now and in the future.