What’s More Important – The Journey or The Destination?

I attended a meeting in Somerset today – that’s many miles from where I live and you might think that when I discovered it would be 3 hours’ drive each way this would put me off going. Actually, no it didn’t because I had already decided to enjoy the ride. It was a perfectly still morning, with sunshine just breaking through the mist. The traffic flowed freely and I’d allowed enough time, so I wasn’t feeling stressed or anxious. Much of the countryside was new to me, so I enjoyed the glimpses of rolling fields and the different look and colour of the old cottages in the hamlets and villages I passed through. After listening to one of my favourite albums nice and loud and singing along to the choruses, I decided to continue with my education and played the rest of a personal development audio programme by Brian Tracy that I’ve been working through for the last few weeks. The hours in the car gave me calm and peaceful reflection time and a chance to crystallize what I’d heard into new thoughts and plans to put into focus the actions I’d be taking when I got home. A lot of people spend their time obsessing about the destination (when I’ve finally found a new partner/made my millions/lost 2 stone, then I’ll be happy). But what if now is all there is? The past is history, the future’s a mystery, as they say. So you might as well make the most of the journey and not while away your life waiting for some day to finally come!

On Thursday 11th September I am co-hosting a free seminar in Brighton with a family lawyer, a financial planner and a mortgage broker. It’s your chance to get informed with free and friendly advice about the best way to deal with financial, legal and accommodation issues you may be facing – not to mention the steps you’ll need to take to build a happy new life. I’ll also be signing copies of my book. So come along for coffee and cake and a chance to “get savvy”! It’s free – all you need to do is to choose the best time for you (10 am – 12 or 7 pm – 9 pm) and book your place by emailing sparsons@mayowynnebaxter.co.uk or ringing 01273 223220. See you on the other side…

My book, “THE SINGLE MUM’S SURVIVAL GUIDE – How To Pick Up The Pieces and Build a Happy New Life” is available on Amazon and selected bookshops. For your free audio download entitled “How To Build a Happy New Life”, please fill in your name and email in the form below. 

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Routines – Bore or Blessing?

OK, so I’m a creative person, a free spirit, spontaneous, fun; routines are for boring people, routines are dreary and dull…or so I used to think. I have to admit though that over the years I’ve come to realise that if I’d embraced routines earlier in my life I would have made things an awful lot easier for myself when I was a single mum! Routines are very helpful when bringing up children because they save you all a lot of stress at the last minute. Routines I especially love at present are my son’s launch pad, where he gets things ready for school the next day and a similar process I have for planning my clothes, packing my bag or briefcase and mentally (or physically, on my “to do” list) ticking off things I’ll need for the next day – especially if I have an early start. I’ve also come to love coming down to a clean kitchen in the morning, with all of last night’s supper things washed up or loaded into the dishwasher. It’s the little things in life that get you down (think how much damage a mosquito can do!) but it’s also the little things that build you up and help you fly.

On Thursday 11th September I am co-hosting a free seminar in Brighton with a family lawyer, a financial planner and a mortgage broker. It’s your chance to get informed with free and friendly advice about the best way to deal with financial, legal and accommodation issues you may be facing – not to mention the steps you’ll need to take to build a happy new life. I’ll also be signing copies of my book. So come along for coffee and cake and a chance to “get savvy”! It’s free – all you need to do is to choose the best time for you (10 am – 12 or 7 pm – 9 pm) and book your place by emailing sparsons@mayowynnebaxter.co.uk or ringing 01273 223220. See you on the other side…

My book, “THE SINGLE MUM’S SURVIVAL GUIDE – How To Pick Up The Pieces and Build a Happy New Life” is available on Amazon and selected bookshops. For your free audio download entitled “How To Build a Happy New Life”, please fill in your name and email in the form below. 

Stand By Your Man?

As the lurid news continues to unfold surrounding Paul Ross and his drug-taking and gay affair, my heart goes out to his wife and mother of his four children. She has decided (at least for the time being) to stand by her man. Whilst some may find this incomprehensible, I can understand only too well how a mother’s instinct to keep her family together can kick in at a time of extreme crisis – even faced with the news of such humiliating indiscretions. When I first learned of my (ex) husband’s affair, my instinct was the same; in order to keep my precious family together I,too, would have stood by my man. In my case my decision was irrelevant – he’d made up his mind to leave. Later I realised what a huge compromise it would have been for me to accept his behaviour and continue with the marriage – who knows if I would have succeeded, or been happy living with the lies and betrayal. But I would say that you never know what you’d do until or unless you are faced with that situation, so it remains for me to wish her well in the painful throes of this very public dilemma. I hope that – at the very least – she has plenty of support and some expert, impartial advice to help her decide what’s best for her and the children.

On Thursday 11th September I am co-hosting a free seminar in Brighton with a family lawyer, a financial planner and a mortgage broker. It’s your chance to get informed with free and friendly advice about the best way to deal with financial, legal and accommodation issues you may be facing – not to mention the steps you’ll need to take to build a happy new life. I’ll also be signing copies of my book. So come along for coffee and cake and a chance to “get savvy”! It’s free – all you need to do is to choose the best time for you (10 am – 12 or 7 pm – 9 pm) and book your place by emailing sparsons@mayowynnebaxter.co.uk or ringing 01273 223220. See you on the other side…

My book, “THE SINGLE MUM’S SURVIVAL GUIDE – How To Pick Up The Pieces and Build a Happy New Life” is available on Amazon and selected bookshops. For your free audio download entitled “How To Build a Happy New Life”, please fill in your name and email in the form below. 

Back To School

After a long – and surprisingly hot – summer, it’s back to school for many families as term time starts again this week. In the case of my youngest son this has involved some considerable changes; not only have we discovered that he needs glasses for reading, he’s also had to learn to tie a tie as his school uniform now includes a blazer and tie! Being the tender age of 14, once the novelty has worn off he will adapt to both these changes with ease and life will carry on as normal.

Adapting to changes as an adult can be a whole lot scarier and a good deal more difficult. If you are a newly-single mum you may be grappling with emotional changes, financial changes and all the legal implications of separation and divorce. I’d like to help you with these changes, so that you too can adapt with ease and grace and the minimal amount of panic possible. On Thursday 11th September I am co-hosting a free seminar in Brighton with a family lawyer, a financial planner and a mortgage broker. It’s your chance to get informed with free and friendly advice about the best way to deal with financial, legal and accommodation issues you may be facing – not to mention the steps you’ll need to take to build a happy new life. I’ll also be signing copies of my book. So come along for coffee and cake and a chance to “get savvy”! It’s free – all you need to do is to choose the best time for you (10 am – 12 or 7 pm – 9 pm) and book your place by emailing sparsons@mayowynnebaxter.co.uk or ringing 01273 223220. See you on the other side…

My book, “THE SINGLE MUM’S SURVIVAL GUIDE – How To Pick Up The Pieces and Build a Happy New Life” is available on Amazon and selected bookshops. For your free audio download entitled “How To Build a Happy New Life”, please fill in your name and email in the form below. 

The New Face of Family Law – Touchy, Feely and Single Mum-Friendly!

I’ve had several meetings with Family Lawyers in the last few days, planning a series of free presentations for single mums here in the UK (with some to follow in New York this coming December, all being well) and there’s one thing that I think you should know. Lawyers have changed! What has most struck me is the sensitive and perceptive approach that these women have towards their clients. Many of them do Pro Bono work – i.e. volunteer their time and expertise for free in dedicated schemes and projects within their local communities.  Despite all those lawyer/attorney jokes out there you have nothing to fear because you can easily find a local firm to represent you in your divorce and to handle your case in a kind, patient and sympathetic way. As Gemma Hope, one of the legal experts featured in my book explains:

if you have a trusted legal adviser you feel at ease with, they will be there for you every step of the way. They can play a big part in helping to sort out issues involving the care of your children, your home and your finances. A good lawyer who specialises in Family Law will be empathic and highly trained in dealing with emotive and complex family situations and will be able to explain things to you in a way you understand. Contrary to popular belief lawyers aren’t all posh, stuffy, fat cats who will make life more difficult for you. There are some lawyers out there, like me, who are down to earth and want to help people through a difficult time in their life in the most positive way possible. Often the first reaction I get from people when I tell them what I do for a living is “That must be a really depressing job dealing with doom, gloom and misery all day” but I don’t see it like that. It is actually really rewarding to be able to help and support people through a huge transition in their life and see them move forward.

Gemma is based in Brighton in the U.K. and can be contacted at Mayo Wynne Baxter 01273 223230

Another option that many separating couples choose these days is family mediation. Dawn Tarter, another of the legal experts who contributed to the book, explains it like this:

The mediator is an impartial facilitator for both parties, balancing the power between the parties, helping them to identify and develop mutually acceptable options. The mediator guides both parties to privately communicate and negotiate with each other for the outcome they want. Mediation is, in my opinion, the most empowering, satisfying and cost efficient means of maintaining your voice and your control over the outcome of raising your children and successfully moving forward with your life. The advantage is that mediation is quick, often reaching resolution within hours, and you are in control… with mediation you move forward with your life, the life you truly desire, so much more quickly and with the satisfaction that you determined your own outcome for you and your children.

Dawn is based in Cuba, Illinois, U.S.A. and can be contacted at at http://www.dawntarterlaw.com or by email to: dtarter@rio-express.net.

“THE SINGLE MUM’S SURVIVAL GUIDE – How To Pick Up The Pieces and Build a Happy New Life” is available to order on Amazon.

 

You Are Not Alone

I had a meeting with a family lawyer today; we are collaborating on a free presentation for single mums in this area. She was telling me that clients are often embarrassed when they tell her what brings them to seek her services – either because they assume she has heard it all before, or conversely because they assume that they alone have been weak enough or vulnerable enough or foolish enough to get into the predicament they are currently in. We both agreed that it was important to reassure all single mums that you are not alone. Naturally each case is unique and different but at the same time there will be similarities and common experiences running through each case. It’s one of the reasons I’m most proud of my book, because I believe that this comes across really strongly as you read through the accounts of all the wonderful single mums who agreed to tell their stories. As I tell readers at the outset:

After the break-up of my second marriage I received this wonderful letter from my counsellor. I hope that these words will inspire you, because so much of what she says will apply to you, too.
“What a distressing time you’ve been having, and what an understatement I’ve just made.I’m so relieved to hear that you are now free of X, back in your own home with locks changed and hopefully slowly managing to get back to normality.You have a lot going for you-energy, talent, good looks, a supportive and loving family and two wonderful sons.Your time with X was not a mistake, but a learning curve-despite all the dreadful things that happened, notice the strengths it brought out in you, and it did bring out strengths, you’ve kept your home, your sons are safe and so are you, all these things take strength of character and persistence, and such strengths applied in different ways will give you a wonderful future if you grant yourself that gift!!I imagine you are now having to consider divorce or are perhaps in the midst of arranging one-I think that once you are legally free, you’ll feel even better.Of course it’s sad that your relationship with X ended as it did and you will feel sad about this-don’t be ashamed to grieve, it’s a normal process even after the most horrendous relationship-we grieve what we thought the relationship was going to be and the fact that it didn’t turn out that way and that’s what makes it ‘normal.It goes without saying that I wish you every success for the future–you deserve it.”

On days when you are feeling small and alone and like nobody could possibly understand what you are going through it’s wonderfully comforting to know that others have trod this path and made their way to the other side, to recovery and a new beginning.

“THE SINGLE MUM’S SURVIVAL GUIDE -How To Pick Up the Pieces and Build a Happy New Life” is now available to order on Amazon.