What’s More Important – The Journey or The Destination?

I attended a meeting in Somerset today – that’s many miles from where I live and you might think that when I discovered it would be 3 hours’ drive each way this would put me off going. Actually, no it didn’t because I had already decided to enjoy the ride. It was a perfectly still morning, with sunshine just breaking through the mist. The traffic flowed freely and I’d allowed enough time, so I wasn’t feeling stressed or anxious. Much of the countryside was new to me, so I enjoyed the glimpses of rolling fields and the different look and colour of the old cottages in the hamlets and villages I passed through. After listening to one of my favourite albums nice and loud and singing along to the choruses, I decided to continue with my education and played the rest of a personal development audio programme by Brian Tracy that I’ve been working through for the last few weeks. The hours in the car gave me calm and peaceful reflection time and a chance to crystallize what I’d heard into new thoughts and plans to put into focus the actions I’d be taking when I got home. A lot of people spend their time obsessing about the destination (when I’ve finally found a new partner/made my millions/lost 2 stone, then I’ll be happy). But what if now is all there is? The past is history, the future’s a mystery, as they say. So you might as well make the most of the journey and not while away your life waiting for some day to finally come!

On Thursday 11th September I am co-hosting a free seminar in Brighton with a family lawyer, a financial planner and a mortgage broker. It’s your chance to get informed with free and friendly advice about the best way to deal with financial, legal and accommodation issues you may be facing – not to mention the steps you’ll need to take to build a happy new life. I’ll also be signing copies of my book. So come along for coffee and cake and a chance to “get savvy”! It’s free – all you need to do is to choose the best time for you (10 am – 12 or 7 pm – 9 pm) and book your place by emailing sparsons@mayowynnebaxter.co.uk or ringing 01273 223220. See you on the other side…

My book, “THE SINGLE MUM’S SURVIVAL GUIDE – How To Pick Up The Pieces and Build a Happy New Life” is available on Amazon and selected bookshops. For your free audio download entitled “How To Build a Happy New Life”, please fill in your name and email in the form below. 

Routines – Bore or Blessing?

OK, so I’m a creative person, a free spirit, spontaneous, fun; routines are for boring people, routines are dreary and dull…or so I used to think. I have to admit though that over the years I’ve come to realise that if I’d embraced routines earlier in my life I would have made things an awful lot easier for myself when I was a single mum! Routines are very helpful when bringing up children because they save you all a lot of stress at the last minute. Routines I especially love at present are my son’s launch pad, where he gets things ready for school the next day and a similar process I have for planning my clothes, packing my bag or briefcase and mentally (or physically, on my “to do” list) ticking off things I’ll need for the next day – especially if I have an early start. I’ve also come to love coming down to a clean kitchen in the morning, with all of last night’s supper things washed up or loaded into the dishwasher. It’s the little things in life that get you down (think how much damage a mosquito can do!) but it’s also the little things that build you up and help you fly.

On Thursday 11th September I am co-hosting a free seminar in Brighton with a family lawyer, a financial planner and a mortgage broker. It’s your chance to get informed with free and friendly advice about the best way to deal with financial, legal and accommodation issues you may be facing – not to mention the steps you’ll need to take to build a happy new life. I’ll also be signing copies of my book. So come along for coffee and cake and a chance to “get savvy”! It’s free – all you need to do is to choose the best time for you (10 am – 12 or 7 pm – 9 pm) and book your place by emailing sparsons@mayowynnebaxter.co.uk or ringing 01273 223220. See you on the other side…

My book, “THE SINGLE MUM’S SURVIVAL GUIDE – How To Pick Up The Pieces and Build a Happy New Life” is available on Amazon and selected bookshops. For your free audio download entitled “How To Build a Happy New Life”, please fill in your name and email in the form below. 

Stand By Your Man?

As the lurid news continues to unfold surrounding Paul Ross and his drug-taking and gay affair, my heart goes out to his wife and mother of his four children. She has decided (at least for the time being) to stand by her man. Whilst some may find this incomprehensible, I can understand only too well how a mother’s instinct to keep her family together can kick in at a time of extreme crisis – even faced with the news of such humiliating indiscretions. When I first learned of my (ex) husband’s affair, my instinct was the same; in order to keep my precious family together I,too, would have stood by my man. In my case my decision was irrelevant – he’d made up his mind to leave. Later I realised what a huge compromise it would have been for me to accept his behaviour and continue with the marriage – who knows if I would have succeeded, or been happy living with the lies and betrayal. But I would say that you never know what you’d do until or unless you are faced with that situation, so it remains for me to wish her well in the painful throes of this very public dilemma. I hope that – at the very least – she has plenty of support and some expert, impartial advice to help her decide what’s best for her and the children.

On Thursday 11th September I am co-hosting a free seminar in Brighton with a family lawyer, a financial planner and a mortgage broker. It’s your chance to get informed with free and friendly advice about the best way to deal with financial, legal and accommodation issues you may be facing – not to mention the steps you’ll need to take to build a happy new life. I’ll also be signing copies of my book. So come along for coffee and cake and a chance to “get savvy”! It’s free – all you need to do is to choose the best time for you (10 am – 12 or 7 pm – 9 pm) and book your place by emailing sparsons@mayowynnebaxter.co.uk or ringing 01273 223220. See you on the other side…

My book, “THE SINGLE MUM’S SURVIVAL GUIDE – How To Pick Up The Pieces and Build a Happy New Life” is available on Amazon and selected bookshops. For your free audio download entitled “How To Build a Happy New Life”, please fill in your name and email in the form below. 

Back To School

After a long – and surprisingly hot – summer, it’s back to school for many families as term time starts again this week. In the case of my youngest son this has involved some considerable changes; not only have we discovered that he needs glasses for reading, he’s also had to learn to tie a tie as his school uniform now includes a blazer and tie! Being the tender age of 14, once the novelty has worn off he will adapt to both these changes with ease and life will carry on as normal.

Adapting to changes as an adult can be a whole lot scarier and a good deal more difficult. If you are a newly-single mum you may be grappling with emotional changes, financial changes and all the legal implications of separation and divorce. I’d like to help you with these changes, so that you too can adapt with ease and grace and the minimal amount of panic possible. On Thursday 11th September I am co-hosting a free seminar in Brighton with a family lawyer, a financial planner and a mortgage broker. It’s your chance to get informed with free and friendly advice about the best way to deal with financial, legal and accommodation issues you may be facing – not to mention the steps you’ll need to take to build a happy new life. I’ll also be signing copies of my book. So come along for coffee and cake and a chance to “get savvy”! It’s free – all you need to do is to choose the best time for you (10 am – 12 or 7 pm – 9 pm) and book your place by emailing sparsons@mayowynnebaxter.co.uk or ringing 01273 223220. See you on the other side…

My book, “THE SINGLE MUM’S SURVIVAL GUIDE – How To Pick Up The Pieces and Build a Happy New Life” is available on Amazon and selected bookshops. For your free audio download entitled “How To Build a Happy New Life”, please fill in your name and email in the form below. 

It’s Launched!

Sue launch 1I’m not going to write much today – only to say that after what seemed like forever, my book is officially “out there”! My thanks go to Rob and Sara at Steyning Bookshop for co-hosting the event and to my wonderful friends, family and colleagues who came along to help celebrate this important landmark in my life. Thanks also for all the well wishes from others who were unable to come along in person – it was good to know that you were thinking of me and cheering me on! I’ll let the photos and video speak for themselves…

https://vimRB launch 2 eo.com/999728Sue Launch 267

 

 

 



sue launch 9        sue launch 5 RB launch 1book launch 1aSue launch 4 IMG_0426

 

 

 

 

 

http://www.thesinglemumssurvivalguide.com

vivienne@thelifeyoudeserve

From a Distance

Today is my 66th blog and I’m looking back, not just at my blogs but also at the book and the journey I’ve been on to get to this point, the eve of my official book launch and first book signing…

I’ve found that writing the book (and this blog) has been a little like possessing the power to travel backwards and forwards at will through time. At first, I was a little wary of the effect that trawling through all the sadness and heartache of my marriage break up and divorce and the challenges of single motherhood might be a bit of a downer – I’m a firm believer in adopting a positive mindset after all, so wouldn’t the whole process be so negative that it would drag me down?

The answer is that some passages still catch at my heartstrings and some memories will always be poignant but it’s like that song, “From a Distance”… Seeing those events and my past life from a distance and setting them out on the pages of my book has allowed me to stand back and review my past self with compassion, yes, but also with a certain detachment that only the perspective of time can bring. I can only hope that my readers will themselves achieve this feeling of peaceful detachment in due course. As someone once said: The past is history, the future’s a mystery and the present is a gift.

I hope you will come and celebrate with me tomorrow because I’m launching my book, “THE SINGLE MUM’S SURVIVAL GUIDE – How To Pick Up The Pieces and Build a Happy New Life” tomorrow, Friday 4th July, 7.30 – 9.00 pm at The Steyning Bookshop, 106 High Street, Steyning, West Sussex. If you’d like to come and meet me and get your signed copy, come and join me for a glass of wine and some nibbles and you’re welcome to bring a friend. Or contact me via my website, http://www.thesinglemumssurvivalguide.com

The Truth, The Whole Truth?

This evening I’ve been watching an analysis of a famous American double murder trial. As the prosecution lawyer and the defence lawyer made their final statements to the jury, both sounded so plausible. You might even have observed that each side (and their supporters) were totally and utterly convinced that they alone were in possession of the truth. It’s only in retrospect that we can see what really took place.

In the case of a relationship breakup, this often happens. As the split becomes more pronounced, so too does the difference in the two sides of the story. As with any case where two people are at odds, each becomes more entrenched in his or her position and believes that only they are telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Is it actually just that one person is lying, or is it more complicated than that?

As a coach I know that “the map is not the territory” – in other words, we all perceive reality through our own set of filters and preconceptions. “So how does this relate to me, as a single mum?” I hear you say. My point is this: Your truth is your truth and nobody can take that away from you. You have a right to tell your story. But don’t be surprised if your ex’s version is different and try not to spend too much of your precious energy arguing about who was right or wrong if that serves no purpose right now. Ask yourself this: what really matters today and from this day onwards? How can my child and I step forwards into the light and build our brand new life?

I’m launching my book, “THE SINGLE MUM’S SURVIVAL GUIDE – How To Pick Up The Pieces and Build a Happy New Life” this Friday 4th July, 7.30 – 9.00 pm at The Steyning Bookshop, 106 High Street, Steyning, West Sussex. If you’d like to come and meet me and get your signed copy, come and join me for a glass of wine and some nibbles and you’re welcome to bring a friend. Or contact me via my website, http://www.thesinglemumssurvivalguide.com

Losing It

As UK television reports the trial of a once-loved public figure, now discredited and due to be stripped (quite rightly) of his honours and his medals we know that nothing can make up for the loss of innocence of his numerous young victims – the loss of their childhood, really- I’ve been reflecting on loss.

When my husband left me with a three week old and a three year old, I felt acutely aware of the loss for my children of that happy family unit that their mother had once fondly imagined they could take for granted. Added to that, I was going through something that quite frankly felt like a bereavement – the loss of my 15 year relationship.

I also realised quite quickly that it was impossible for most people to really understand or empathise with this loss unless they had some kind of experience of it. It’s one of the reasons that I wrote this book and why I work with single mums in my coaching practice.You are not alone, and this book will help you to deal with that loss of life as you knew it and create a new beginning.

I’m launching my book, “THE SINGLE MUM’S SURVIVAL GUIDE – How To Pick Up The Pieces and Build a Happy New Life” on Friday 4th July, 7.30 – 9.00 pm at The Steyning Bookshop, 106 High Street, Steyning, West Sussex. If you’d like to come and meet me and get your signed copy, come and join me for a glass of wine and some nibbles and you’re welcome to bring a friend.

The Fine Art of Negotiation

During a meeting I was chairing today I was faced with a choice: ignore a general feeling of discontent around the table, take refuge in the prescribed routine and press on regardless, or open up a potentially negative discussion. I chose the latter, knowing that this situation has been brewing for a while and the longer it remains unresolved, the bigger it looms. In the end, the discussion was a very productive one. We each had a different position, yet there were areas of agreement to work on, which I believe will result in an outcome acceptable to us all.

As a single mum faced with difficult choices over a situation you may feel you have little control over, negotiation can be a powerful tool. In the chapter in my book on legal issues, Dawn Tarter -who is a certified family mediator, lays out some of the key things to bear in mind for a successful outcome. Isn’t it time you took the initiative and learnt how to work confidently towards a best-case scenario? You know what’s best for you and I’d be willing to bet you know what’s best for your child. Take back your power!

For my readers who are based in Illinois, visit www.dawntarterlaw.com for further details about her mediation services.

I’m launching my book, “THE SINGLE MUM’S SURVIVAL GUIDE – How To Pick Up The Pieces and Build a Happy New Life” on Friday 4th July, 7.30 – 9.00 pm at The Steyning Bookshop, 106 High Street, Steyning, West Sussex. If you’d like to come and meet me and get your signed copy, come and join me for a glass of wine and some nibbles and you’re welcome to bring a friend. If you can’t make it, the book is also available from Amazon and will be in bookstores from 1st July.

The End of The World As You Know It

Sound dramatic? That’s how it feels when you’re dealing with a breakup, whether it’s your decision or his (but especially if it’s his).

Today I took my visiting Spanish student to the new Tom Cruise film, Edge of Tomorrow. Without giving too much of the plot away, Cruise’s character gets lots of chances to improve the drastic situation he finds himself in. But only if he dies first.

To me – and to many of the single mums who tell their stories in the pages of my book – the end of my relationship did indeed feel like a death. The curious thing is, though, that like the character in the film, we all (in different ways) found that this gave us a unique opportunity to start again, wipe the slate clean and improve our situation. I want all single mums out there who are going through those nightmare early days to use the book as a resource, to get through to the other side. Writing the book certainly changed my life – and I hope that reading it will change your life for the better, too.

I’m launching my book, “THE SINGLE MUM’S SURVIVAL GUIDE – How To Pick Up The Pieces and Build a Happy New Life” on Friday 4th July, 7.30 – 9.00 pm at The Steyning Bookshop, 106 High Street, Steyning, West Sussex. If you’d like to come and meet me and get your signed copy, come and join me for a glass of wine and some nibbles and you’re welcome to bring a friend.