I had a meeting with a family lawyer today; we are collaborating on a free presentation for single mums in this area. She was telling me that clients are often embarrassed when they tell her what brings them to seek her services – either because they assume she has heard it all before, or conversely because they assume that they alone have been weak enough or vulnerable enough or foolish enough to get into the predicament they are currently in. We both agreed that it was important to reassure all single mums that you are not alone. Naturally each case is unique and different but at the same time there will be similarities and common experiences running through each case. It’s one of the reasons I’m most proud of my book, because I believe that this comes across really strongly as you read through the accounts of all the wonderful single mums who agreed to tell their stories. As I tell readers at the outset:
After the break-up of my second marriage I received this wonderful letter from my counsellor. I hope that these words will inspire you, because so much of what she says will apply to you, too.
“What a distressing time you’ve been having, and what an understatement I’ve just made.I’m so relieved to hear that you are now free of X, back in your own home with locks changed and hopefully slowly managing to get back to normality.You have a lot going for you-energy, talent, good looks, a supportive and loving family and two wonderful sons.Your time with X was not a mistake, but a learning curve-despite all the dreadful things that happened, notice the strengths it brought out in you, and it did bring out strengths, you’ve kept your home, your sons are safe and so are you, all these things take strength of character and persistence, and such strengths applied in different ways will give you a wonderful future if you grant yourself that gift!!I imagine you are now having to consider divorce or are perhaps in the midst of arranging one-I think that once you are legally free, you’ll feel even better.Of course it’s sad that your relationship with X ended as it did and you will feel sad about this-don’t be ashamed to grieve, it’s a normal process even after the most horrendous relationship-we grieve what we thought the relationship was going to be and the fact that it didn’t turn out that way and that’s what makes it ‘normal.It goes without saying that I wish you every success for the future–you deserve it.”
On days when you are feeling small and alone and like nobody could possibly understand what you are going through it’s wonderfully comforting to know that others have trod this path and made their way to the other side, to recovery and a new beginning.
“THE SINGLE MUM’S SURVIVAL GUIDE -How To Pick Up the Pieces and Build a Happy New Life” is now available to order on Amazon.